I always found sadness in endings
growing up i never found comfort in the ending of a school year,
It always made me cry
I never liked goodbyes at the end of a sleepover
or
an outing with friends
I never liked changing teachers
Never liked changing friends
Changing homes
Changing me
in other words,
I hate endings even if they brings to new beginnings.
I just wish I could feel the same sadness when it comes to ending me.
you tell me to be happy
but happiness come and visits me
when she pleases.
when she’s not too busy with someone else.
she gives me a tight smile
tells me, that she’ll visit me when I’m drunk
with friends
or when I’m with my mentor.
I ask her why she can’t come when I’m alone,
Why can’t she stay?
She tells me that sadness and anxiety will keep me company.
Thus, she can’t stay.
As she leaves, sadness whispers that he’ll never abandon me,
and anxiety consoles me
and says that they’re here to stay.
i’m their new home now.
I freeze midthought
If someone was there
they would surely ask
“what’s wrong?”
tears rolled down my face
my face blank
eyes open wide
I would reply
“I don’t know”
I would think
“sometimes breathing overwhelms me.”
“I don’t know” I would repeat.
How could you understand such thought?
I hope you never do.
poetry
use to come so easy to me
words used to flow from my veins
to my pen
to a paper
to the world
poetry
use to be therapy
letting
the anger, fear, and guilt
Out of my heart, spirit, and head
poetry
use to help.
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
It’s confusing to love someone
so much
that you start to hate them
why don’t you love me back?
He made me feel loved,
Told me it was just kindness.
How mistreated
I must have been
To confuse the two.
I ask God
The same question
I ask God
The same favor
I ask God
Please hear my prayer
I ask God to listen
Please
Listen
“Please Kill me before I wake. I don’t have the strength to kill myself before the sunrise breaks.”
Suicide visits my head tonight
I’ll let him in
I let him stay
I’m letting him win
Thank you for loving me
When my heart was dark,
My brain was a battlefield,
And my lips,
Left nothing less than chaos.
Thank you for loving me
When I am undeserving,
Unbearable,
And unlovable.
I yelled “leave. It’s over.”
He laughed.
He knew.
“You’ll call me tomorrow.
You always call me the next day.
You know why?
Because
I made you believe
that I loved you.
That’s all you need.
You seek validation.
Whether it’s real or not.
You crave to be loved.
You’d do anything
For a small taste.
See you tomorrow,
And know that I love you.”
My brain discharges the negative.
He loves me.
He said that he loved me.
I’ll call him tomorrow
To say I love him too.
Can't Leave My Baggage Behind 