i feel more

than i can think

because when i think

i have to feel

and if i feel

i will think

it’s hard

it’s confusing

am i confusing you ?

just imagine what’s inside my head

oh God

I’m thinking

and i’m feeling

it’s too much to bare

i think that …

never mind

no one can handle my thoughts

i can’t even control them

they control me

i think that …

never mind

you won’t like me

if i say what i think

oh God

I’m feeling

i feel …

never mind

if i tell you

how i feel

i’m scared that i will

feel it forever

so I’ll bury it inside me

and i’ll pretend

they’re dead

i think …

i feel …

if i think

i will feel

if i feel

i will think

ill swallow a pill or two

the doctor said

itll help me

cope

maybe there’s no way out

i will drown

while my lungs

are filled with oxygen

and no one will understand my death

and when i write my letter

they will not understand

when i explain

my thoughts

are a hollow hole

and my feelings

is water

i know how to swim

but my body cannot swim forever

and this is how it feels like

oh God

im sorry

that just slipped out

someone once told me

“it’s okay,

you can talk to me”

i still shake

when i see him

terror fills my body

please don’t answer

please answer

when i tell him how i feel

the whole world

will come to an end

i  feel

like i’m a ticking bomb

ready to destroy

everything in my path

i feel …

i mean i think …

when i learned how to speak

the words

” i feel.. ”

were the first to leave my mouth

my mom told me

to stay quiet

“You’ll disturb the grown up”

i don’t want to disturb the grown up

and i still struggle

with the idea

that my presence

is a disturbance

to everyone

so i walk around

this world

like an apology letter

meant for everyone I meet

” hi sorry, im alex sorry ..”

i’m sorry

you have to look at me

im sorry you

have to hear my voice

my mom always taught me

to apologize

for my mistake

i think i still struggle

with the idea

that i am a mistake

i will apologize

just in case

my existence is a waste of space

I’m sorry

is my poem

too long

i’m sorry

i didn’t mean to disturb you

i didn’t mean to take up so much of your time

you see

when i was young

and i used to cry

my mom would tell me

big girls don’t cry

i still struggle

with the idea

that if i cry

it means that i am weak

so i mastered the art

of crying silently

in my room

in the dark

and if i cry

it front of you

best believe

that my feelings

and my thoughts

has buried me

six feet under

sorry

That slipped out

im sorry

i didn’t mean to disturb you

i just feel like

when i think

that maybe

never mind

i’m sorry

all of this was a mistake

i’m sorry

i just feel like

never mind

i didn’t mean to disturb you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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