“When are you going to move on?”

I still feel his breath

On my neck

His fingers

Tracing my upper thigh

His hand

On my waist

I still feel him

Touching me

While I’m

Walking home

Going to school

Serving a client

He’s here

I can feel

His hand

In my fucking hair

His voice

Moaning my fucking name

I can feel

His waist

Pushing into mine

” when are you going to move on ?”

I can hear him

Asking me

” is it okay?”

Why didn’t I say no ?

 I don’t know” 

Is what I tried to say

Mumbled words

Spill out of my tongue

As if my veins

Were filled with liquor

I was sober

I was a kid

He comes at night

When I try to sleep

I can feel the fear

Creep in slowly

He’s here

I can feel him

Please stop

He grabs my hand

I say a little prayer

of gratitude

It’s over

“I’m a little horny, is it okay?”

“I don’t know” 

My hand on his cock

A moan escapes his mouth

What a grotesque sound

How life shattering it is

To know your hero

The person who you look up to

Is the devil in disguise

Is this what love is ?

I use to play house

I use to be the mom

And I had a doll

As a child

He forced me to play house

It’s not fun anymore

I can’t tell

If I was the mom

Did he forget ?

Am I his child

Or maybe

He saw me

As his fucking doll

A moan escapes his lips
A sob escapes mine

Apologies

Fill the room

But I can still

Feel him

His blue eyes

Pierce my skin

I’m scared of him

It’s like your worst nightmare

Playing on repeat

You can’t wake up

Because you’re not sleeping

“When are you going to move on?”

When I stop feeling him 

When I stop hearing him 

When it doesn’t hurt anymore 

When I can stop living this shit everyday and every night 

When it all stops 

Is this okay?”

I don’t know” 

I sob 

I don’t fucking know 

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